you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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