I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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