i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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