It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
