Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
