I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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