Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
