Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
