from now on my penis is your penis
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
