If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
