is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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