don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
