We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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