I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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