Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
