That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
