She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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