we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Boobs speak an international language.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
