I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
