I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
