It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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