This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
