Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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