y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
me + whiskey = a bad person
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
