The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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