Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
