The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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