I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
