apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
