I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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