Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
