I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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