Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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