I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
