how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Girls should come with a carfax report
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
