I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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