You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
