The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
