I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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