walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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