was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize