Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
