I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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