i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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