Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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