My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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