My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize