He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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