WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
