I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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