i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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