For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
