Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
