Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
