i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
