you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
