btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
