Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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