were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
