So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize