6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
