She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize