I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
