Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
