So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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