he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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