I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
