New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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